Killer Lights

Traffic light…you think it is as simple as red=stop green=go but no…that dreadful monster likes to mix things up a bit and add to your daily stress and chiropractor bill, for the first time we unveil its tactics…

Suicidal Yellow: A suicidal yellow is when you are approaching a traffic light that is green and the light changes to yellow at a precise distance that’s just suicidal because you are too far away to make it through the yellow yet too close for a smooth full stop. Very stressful situation my friends, very stressful. If you decide to go through you will be that idiot who goes through the intersection an almost gets hit by other cars. If you instead decide to stop, which pretty much involves slamming on your brakes (unless you want to come to a full stop in the middle of the intersection) you will be the reason why the insurance of the driver behind you will go up or you will be the recipient of many profanities due to his coffee being spilled because his intentions are to squeeze through the light behind you. I hate Suicidal Yellows.

Neck Breaker Green: Neck Breaker Green is a mean one…you are approaching a red light and you start slowing down your ride to eventually come to a full stop. As you are about to come to a full stop, at about two and half inches from accomplishing such maneuver, the light switches to green forcing you to quickly go from slowing down to acceleration in a split second. This causes a neck jerk that if repeated multiple time your nickname will soon be ‘Joe bobblehead’. The effects of this light are increased by 87.2% if you are the driver on front, all the pressure is on you to quickly get the traffic going again. I believe Chiropractors love this one.

3-2-1 Pedestrian: This one is a a developing trend, you might have noticed that some lights, not all of them, have a countdown for the pedestrian light. This feature is received with mixed feelings among fellow drivers, I’ve heard some drivers get stressed when they see the evil countdown decreasing its numbers. Others like me love it, because I know whether I have a chance at beating the evil light or not. What’s the other option? the orange hand flashing? How do you know if it’s going to flash ten more times or just two…believe me, once it stops flashing you better be ready to halt your horse.

How do you counterattack?